Boldy Going

Selfishness. That’s what I’ve been asking God to teach me about lately. Dangerous thing to ask God for. It is like asking for a lesson in humility. Don’t go there.

But I did. And really, I was just thinking about this one particular area of my life.

Just the one.

And then, as if someone drew back a huge curtain from my soul and found mold everywhere… there was a whole slew of places in my life that just reeked of selfishness. Eww. Where the heck did all THAT come from??

So I’ve been doing a lot of “bleaching”, one could say, on this selfishness “mold” that has been growing behind the walls of my life.

This process has been so eye-opening, I have become convinced that attacking selfishness was going to be my big ticket spiritual focus issue for the year. I even started to feel a little cocky about it, like I knew all about where God was headed with this lesson.

That is, until I began reading a new book to my 4-year-old: “My First Space Encyclopedia”. Do you know how long it takes light to travel from one side of the Milky Way to the other? 100,000 years. One hundred thousand years to get from one side of our galaxy to the other traveling at LIGHT SPEED. Astounding. Did you know that our galaxy, which contains our wee little solar system along with a few billion stars, is just one of, literally, countless other galaxies that make up our universe?

I am reading this book to my kiddo and marveling at the sheer enormity of creation, while also feeling rather small.  Incredibly small. I have begun to dig deeper and ask God “why?” Why did you create SO MUCH space? Why did you allow us to discover it to the extent that we have? What does it say about You?

I don’t have the answers, but I know I have a deeper awe of God than I ever had before. Almost a fear, really. I feel lately, that even after 37 years on this earth, I am growing closer to God at the same time He is becoming more awesome and mysterious to me. How does He DO that??

My God builds gorgeous heavens that span farther than I can even conceive. And that same God, my father, cares about our teeny tiny, seemingly inconsequential planet. And that same God, my savior, cares about my teeny tiny, seemingly inconsequential heart…and whether or not it is prepared to engage the world in His name. 

And just when I thought I would be marking this year down as the one in which God educated me about selfishness, I found myself marveling at God's Greatness. I am stunned and even a little unsettled in my absolute wonder at the Glory of God.