A Gentle Whisper of Presence

It was a double-whammy, possibly the most painful time in my life. 

I had a bulging disc in my neck, straightening of the curvature of my cervical spine, a pinched nerve and arthritis.  The muscles in my neck, back, shoulders and left arm were in constant spasm.  Aleve was my only painkiller, and it was not doing much.  It truly was excruciatingly painful. 

I was also watching a treasured friendship implode.  My friend’s behavior made no sense to me and I was facing accusations and venom.  I was confused, emotionally wounded, and not entirely sure I could ever trust a friend again.

My most vivid memory of this time is of me lying on my back on the bedroom floor.  Chronic pain was wearing me down, beginning to transform me into someone I didn’t recognize and didn’t like.  I had moist heat on my shoulders and arm, a rolled-up towel under my neck.  As encouraging music played on my iPod, tears ran down my temples and into my hair. 

Somehow in the midst of all of this I could feel God’s love for me.  He gently whispered to my heart, “I am here with you.  There is a reason I am allowing this.  Healing is coming.  You are going to be okay.  Stay close to Me.”

It wasn’t some big Burning Bush or Damascus Road experience.  It was small.  It was sweet.  It was enough, and exactly what my heart needed.  Never had I sensed Jesus’ Presence so near.  Never had I felt so cradled.  He wasn’t taking the pain away.  He was walking with me through it, guiding and encouraging and comforting me--heart, soul, mind and strength.

Those terrible months have long since passed. Today the friendship is restored, the pain manageable and my heart healed.  It’s amazing…no, miraculous…what a gentle whisper from our Dearest Love can do.