Spring Panic

Flowers blooming, aromas wafting, birds singing—all signs of spring.

And all things that used to send me into a panic. 

My busiest time of year BY FAR used to be spring.  For the eleven years we owned and ran our Tropical Sno sno-cone stand, March brought hiring and training employees, stocking supplies, advertising, cleaning, and paperwork.  My husband also started preparing farm machinery for planting season.  April saw us opening the stand, continued farm preparations and planting, and celebrating myriad birthdays.  In May we were usually heavily into planting and Tropical Sno was very busy.  

Somewhere in and amongst those years we also co-owned and co-ran a small chain of convenience stores/gas stations, dragged our (at the time) only son around with us nearly everywhere, and still by the grace of God managed all of the everyday stuff life throws at you.  

We maintained that pace only a few years before exiting both the sno-cone stand and gas station businesses, but even today we still farm and have another sizable business interest.  (Some husbands golf for a hobby.  Mine starts new businesses.) Though my load has decreased, I still find the occasional bout of residual panic blooming along with the flowers.  

In other words, now that I can almost actually ENJOY spring, it’s tainted.  On some level I continue to react to a situation that no longer exists.

How many things in life do we react to the same way?  Hearing that nickname from second grade still causes anger.  We look in the mirror and all of the fat/short/stupid/ugly images from decades ago are all we can see.  Our situations have changed—WE have changed—and yet our reactions haven’t. 

I’m so glad our Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted (Isaiah 61).  I’m making a conscious effort to turn my subconscious reactions over to Him, asking Him to bring peace, love, forgiveness, and healing.

Maybe now the new life of spring will include the new life of my heart.