Get Back Online
My husband and I are
in a difficult season of our marriage and just like the seemingly endless
winter we are experiencing here in the Washington DC area, there are days I
feel my husband and I will never break through the cold hard ground of our
hearts.My husband is a non Christian but even if he were, I am not responsible for his heart towards me. I am not his Holy Spirit. I am responsible for my heart.
Since I claim to know Christ, I need to do everything possible to get in alignment with His will for me by following His good and perfect Word.
I had read recently that one of the best tools in our arsenal is to have prayers ready to release in times we need them most.
"when you encounter trouble of any kind, reach into your arsenal of prayers and speak one or more of them boldly. The enemy will retreat, and I will draw near." - excerpt from Jesus TodayIn the middle of my darkest anger towards my husband, I even scared myself with what I was capable of saying because I know what scripture says about what comes out of the mouth,
"The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45 AMP)
I knew I needed to become desperate to change my heart. It was urgent I get back online with my Creator, Who also happens to be my husband's Creator.
I prayed the only thing I knew how to pray,
"Lord, I know your Word says that if we delight in You, You will give us the desires of our heart. Please change my heart to be in line with Your will." (adapted from Psalm 37:4)My husband and I are still struggling but God has done amazing work with that heartfelt plea.
Remember the next time you feel "out of line" with God's purpose for your life, you don't have to "clean house" before He comes to you. His desire for your life is His good and perfect Will. Honestly pour out your shattered heart. He'll pick up the pieces and do the all the cleaning up for you and help you get back online.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014
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Marriage Equality
I love that it is the microcosm of the relationship between God and His people. That is what makes marriage so educational. It is also what makes marriage so tough.
This week, we are chatting up about the upside down measurements of God’s Kingdom. One of those upside down measurements, at least from the world’s point of view, can be found in marriage.
In marriage, you have promised to care for another person, come what may. That means when they are tired, cranky, obstinate, unfair, or just plain discourteous, you need to dig deep and reach for energy, cheerfulness, flexibility, humility, and courtesy. You must dig deep and grab onto these things despite the fact that your human nature is tempting you to return fire with fire. That can be really difficult sometimes, and super annoying.
But, I’ll tell you what’s NOT annoying.
When I’M tired, cranky, obstinate, unfair, or just plain discourteous, and my husband responds to me with energy, cheerfulness, flexibility, humility, and courtesy...I’m not annoyed at all. (Shocking, I know.)
I actually love that.
When Phillip treats me this way, it reminds me of the power of grace. It reminds me that loving the undeserving has an other-worldly power that the otherwise natural instinct to retaliate cannot touch. It reminds me that God loves me and extends grace to me, regardless of what I deserve. It reminds me that with God’s help, I can love others, especially my husband, with an other-worldly power.
And so, I try to extend this love to my husband, in turn, and pray that he is reminded of the same truths. This is what we do. Back and forth. We don’t always get it right, but we look to God’s unwavering love for guidance.
My dear husband and I are equal partners in our marriage. Equally undeserving. Equally dependent on God. Equally hopeful and trusting in God’s help to extend love and grace to each other. Equally learning more each day about the upside down measurements of God’s Kingdom. Equally praising God for them.
I pray the same for you in your relationships, whatever they may be.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
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But God?!
The words sat on my desktop for most of 2013 because I
needed them like air to breathe and I still cry every time I read them as
I remember how my loving Father carried me through the mourning.
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” (Is 43:19)
- I had to give up a ministry I loved, dearly. But God knew what He was doing when He completely severed me from it.
- A dear girlfriend “broke up” with me without any explanation. I was left questioning every tender moment we had spent together. I mourned the loss of her friendship. It was like a death to me but God comforted.
- My husband and I experienced a traumatizing weekend that almost shattered our marriage. The battle was absolutely debilitating but God was present and brought us through it.
- My best friend, whom I did life with, moved away because her husband was relocated to a different state. It was a terribly painful separation and I still grieve her physical absence but God gave them an incredible ministry.
- Had a horrendous misunderstanding with family where ugly, hurtful accusations were flung my way. Doors were slammed. Tears were shed. It took months to see each other again but God unraveled the mess we had woven.
- During the summer months we faced devastating losses to our Monarch Butterfly conservation efforts due to the actions of our neighbor. One day I cried all afternoon but God provided an unprecedented second crop.
- We lost precious pictures and videos of our children. I wept bitterly at the thought of never being able to see those memories ever again but God rushed in and settled my spirit.
- A financial blow took every penny of the money I was saving to pay for my birth instructor certification but God showed how He was providing.
And the list goes on. 2013 was unkind but God provided every victory because "in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."
Overwhelmed and thankful.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014
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My Mentoring Mate
Can you be mentored by your mate?
I'd say so.
My husband has, by far, had more impact on my faith, my worldview and my work ethic than anyone I've considered an influencer in the past 20 years.
I'm not sure if he realizes it or even set out to do it, but when I began to think about my mentors, teachers and advisers, his name was on the top of the list. It got me thinking about how easy it would have been to miss his mentoring or, even worse, resist it. It also left me wondering how many couples do just that, and miss the opportunity to learn from the person they share life with everyday.
I'm glad I've realized it and I'm planning to make a real effort to make sure my guy knows that I did. It's not the kind of thing a spouse might notice or mention (unless she's asked to write a post and is forced to think about it real hard) and I'm actually a little ashamed to admit that I've let this go unsaid. I hope this serves as a little kick in the backside for any of you who share my failings. Let's be open to receiving, noticing and acknowledging our spouse's influence. Who knows how much better we'll each become.
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I'd say so.
My husband has, by far, had more impact on my faith, my worldview and my work ethic than anyone I've considered an influencer in the past 20 years.
I'm not sure if he realizes it or even set out to do it, but when I began to think about my mentors, teachers and advisers, his name was on the top of the list. It got me thinking about how easy it would have been to miss his mentoring or, even worse, resist it. It also left me wondering how many couples do just that, and miss the opportunity to learn from the person they share life with everyday.
I'm glad I've realized it and I'm planning to make a real effort to make sure my guy knows that I did. It's not the kind of thing a spouse might notice or mention (unless she's asked to write a post and is forced to think about it real hard) and I'm actually a little ashamed to admit that I've let this go unsaid. I hope this serves as a little kick in the backside for any of you who share my failings. Let's be open to receiving, noticing and acknowledging our spouse's influence. Who knows how much better we'll each become.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
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